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Sunday, January 11th, 2009
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8:24p
yesterday began with me first waking up around six to shine the laser around since Uni was mewing at Ari to play with her. Uni settles down and i go back to sleep. then at eight thirty Josh's cell begins to ring. who could it be? why it was his brother of course, wanting to know all the details of his fiance's night. where they went, what they spent, etc..
i'm fuming but manage to keep my temper in check. Josh notices and starts with the questions. why, what could i possibly be mad at him about? i tell him i'm not mad at him but this nonsense bullshit he enjoys participating in so much. it gets dropped and he goes out for a bit of grocery shopping. when he gets back at eleven in the morning he heads out to babysit the tacky bitch some more. about eleven hours more to be exact. i had just finished my first screwdriver of the night and watching sweeney todd. i had also just began to play Okami again.
i thought earlier that night that i should just drop the pretenses about the situation and uncover what i am really pissed about. it's not so much about the babysitting he is doing. it's that he is doing it. is happy to do it. is happy leaving me alone cooped up all the time and as soon as a stranger comes to town it's go out and fun time for him. he gives a shit about how he looks when he's around other people but there is a complete lack of any effort when around me.
so as i play and get drunker he begins to question me again. i ask him time after time to drop it. then he just starts going to sleep on the couch. then i ask him to just please go to bed if he's going to sleep several times. he says he wants to hang out with me and i tell him that sleeping isn't hanging out. i tell him that it makes me mad that he can dress nice and find money to spend when other people are in town. for those people he will ask how high when they tell him to jump but i'm lucky if he remembers to even brush his teeth in the morning. i tell him i'm sick of being in the house alone all the time. i'm tired of him sleeping all of the time that we do get to be together. the romance is dead. he seemed like he was getting deeply offended until i asked whether or not this was going to turn into a huge fight and he was going to get girly on me and he said no. i think that he is resenting me within however. sometimes he's being crass and antagonistic just for the sake of it. sometimes it's like being with a teenager. and that's a huge turn off.
today went well. he remembered to brush his teeth, and we went out to lunch as a family to celebrate Ari's concert going well. instead of groping me all the time like he usually does we held hands on the couch for a little bit.
i also decided last night thinking about the dropped pretenses that one good turn deserves another. since little miss tacky's visit ruined my weekend i decided that i will attend this wedding. i'm thinking of wearing something reminiscent of late 90's Versace. really short, really tight, and in a color that is going to make your eyeballs scream. i'm thinking that that alone will be enough, but i'm willing to be rude and spiteful the entire time as well of course. paybacks are a bitch and tacky is going to find out how much i enjoy being one.
current mood:  devious (comment on this)
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