Current mood:	morose
Current music:	Rub till it Bleeds - PJ Harvey

i'm lonesome.
Joshua's routine the last few weeks outside of the dinner last week which was a welcome change has been like this. he wakes, he watches television shows i don't. he then makes lunch but doesn't ask me what i'd want and just cooks for him. so now i have not only his lunch to clean up after i now have to cook ad clean mine as well. then he either watches some more television or attempts to have sex and nap. i pick up Ari fro school and when we get back home he leaves for work. Ariadnie is more often than not doing her own thing and doesn't want to be best friends with her mom which i get. then when Joshua gets home he yaps on the phone with his friend AJ and then makes a snack before watching more television and going to sleep.
we don't make conversation, we don't go out and do anything. we don't even do anything together at home. i made mention of it last night and we went out today but we didn't talk or have fun together. an errand became just that an errand. we haven't done anything romantic in a long time. i feel like i'm just around to pork and clean up after again.
they all think that they are being helpful by suggesting more and more apps for more and more slave labor min wage jobs. lets say i do take the job even though nobody is freaking about money any more. the tiny bit i would bring home would all go away to simple bills and i'd never see a cent of my own money. maybe this is the point of why they suggest the types of jobs that they do - keep the little woman in her place. i'll never be able to stand on my own two feet in this country. this country has nothing to offer me but more subjection. i wonder if i will ever see my lifelong dream and be able to leave to the old world.