Current mood:	apathetic
Current music:	It's in our hands (pink truth mix) - bjork

i didn't go to the interview because the appointment with Nancy went long. i could have made it there but Ari would have had to have sat in the car with no air conditioning since that's broken. Josh didn't really say anything about that other than i still need to find work. i explained the next day when we were running errands that i didn't get why it was so important for me to work such dumb jobs for next to nothing. he said that it (being four hundred a month) would be about 20% of our bills monthly. it wasn't very encouraging, though i'm still out and applying and looking for work. i overheard him complaining about me "refusing" to work to other people. yes that' s what filling out applications and responding to craigslist posts is. refusing. *eyeroll*
he's been giving me a hard time about not going into the classroom when he had an impromptu visit with her computers teacher. Ari had gotten a dean's referral and he wanted to see what it was about. the teacher couldn't tell him because she didn't even remember what it was given for. it was a huge waste of everyone's time. i was still drunk from the night before since we'd had a party and he of course waited till the party was well underway to tell me i was coming with in the morning - at that point what could i have said? it was a reminder how much i hated school to have to get up and go there messed up. i'm sure i was nothing short of an embarrassment since i don't know whether or not i could even stand up straight.
i can feel his patience wearing thin with me. i haven't found a job yet despite dozens of applications and craigslist replies. i'm not being able to stop drinking lately when i start and puke too much. that's about once a week. what does he want? it changes. he does then doesn't then does want me to work. he wants me to go to middle school at seven in the morning and give a shit abut a class the teacher doesn't even care about. he wants me to focus on this one class and ignore that Ari has turned all her other failing grades into A's and B's. can't we say job well done? he wants me to be able to have some drinks but not get drunk. he wants me to exercise every day, and he wants to watch his television shows but wants me to hang out with him too. i think a part of it is him looking for an excuse to pick a fight. there are some legitimate things to be pissed off about sure. why get fed up now?
i'm going to look for work in retail again. maybe i'll find a job at a clothing store, or a sally's beauty supply or whatever. it's certainly better than going to that fucking starbuck's baritsa shit again.