Current mood:	contemplative
Current music:	Sakuran - Shiina Ringo

i'm at a crossroads again, confused about what path to take. standing there undecided until there is only one path left.
do i return to school and get a job that can pay bills? do i remain in this situation and go back to being a housewife when i can? if i do go to school what path to take? i know already i'll hate any path i take at school eventually because it would jut be a better paying job in the end to me and not a career. as usual it's not my day / week / month / year / life.

so i've been thinking about my three strongest desires i've had throughout my life. the first is of course to move away from this country and see the world, perhaps even find a place i can belong. the second is to never get married. the third is to be able to financially support myself. as of yet i haven't moved away have next to no money and it looks like my freedom will expire shortly. getting a degree would not only stay off having to wed, but theoretically it could give me a job that would generate enough of an income where i wouldn't have to be concerned with what i'd do without Joshua. i love him, truly and deeply but i love being my own person even more.

i guess the answer is obvious, go to school. the not so obvious is what job can i tolerate for the money that would make the burden of school bearable?